never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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