yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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