Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
