just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
