On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
