oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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