I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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