I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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