Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dicks are not precious.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
