Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
