I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
