Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
