Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
