What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
