im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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