you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
