Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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