You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
