Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
