i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
