next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
