Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
