is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
