No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
