last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
