I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
birth control should be required to get into college
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
