remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I had to cum in my sink.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
