after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
