I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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