cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
