U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
