I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
