Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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