Michael Bay diarrhea
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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