I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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