grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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