There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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