I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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