i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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