i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize