you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
