i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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