your parents love me but you hate me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
