By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
