Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
