Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
