Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
