I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
