i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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