he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
