Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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