I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
