you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
