Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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