Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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