i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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