You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
