so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I will pee on everything he values.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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