1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
