that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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