so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
